Alden Bates (abates) wrote,
Alden Bates

Earth: Final Conflict

The last ever episode of Earth: Final Conflict screened here tonight and... well, it was a bit of an anticlimax, really.

All right, we get set up with the initial scenario. Bald aliens named Taelons have come to Earth offering advanced technology in exchange for absolutely nothing. They do cool things like give us portals which allow instantaneous travel and replant deserts, cure diseases, and so on. There is a Taelon assigned to every continent - the North American one is named Da'an.

A bunch of people are understandably concerned that the Taelon's motives are a bit questionable, so they set William Boone up as the companion protector for Da'an. He gets a free Taelon implant (deactivated so it won't affect his mind in an adverse way) and a skrill. The skrill attaches to his wrist and allows him to fire bolts of energy.

There's also Sandoval, a ruthless git who is also a companion protector. The human resistance includes Jonathan Doors, a prominent businessman, Lili, a shuttle pilot for the Taelons, and Augur, who is basically a techno wiz. They hide in a subterranean HQ.

We are also introduced to a Irish red-headed companion protector who spends long hours fruitlessly trying to get Sandoval interested in sex. Eventually he gives in and she ends up becoming pregnant.

The Taelons also have a huge Mother Ship in orbit, on which Zo'or secretly conducts experiments on humans.

At the end of the season Boone is killed off for no apparent reason.

At the start of season 2, the Irish companion protector has her baby in Resistance HQ. The baby turns out to be half-Taelon (or something) and grows at a tremendous rate to adulthood. He takes the name Liam Kincaid.

Liam appears to have only one facial expression, that of mild discomfort. He delivers his statements with a sort of gritty earnestness. He also has glowy things on the palms of his hands which he can use to heal, deflect phaser bolts, toast bread, that sort of thing. These are called chakarava which is pronounced like you are clearing your throat.

Liam automagically becomes Da'an's new companion protector because he has a vision and prevents Da'an from being assassinated. Early in season 2, there's an episode where Da'an devolves into an Atavus and Liam turns him back into a Taelon. This will be contradicted later on. A man who is heavily hinted to be Boone reincarnated also turns up, but this will also be contradicted later on.

Liam gradually loses his ability to see the future and the use of his glowy hand things.

Liam and Augur are accidentally flung into a parallel dimension, but this is unimportant. Despite being a recurring plot theme for a few episodes it is quickly forgotten.

Meanwhile, Zo'or continues his secret experiments on the humans.

At the end of the season, everyone decides they've had enough of the Resistance and the US becomes a police state. Much of the Resistance is rounded up and sent to the mother ship. Then starts season 3.

Lili is pretend-killed and sent off to Jaridia in a shuttle (thus depriving the show of the only really good thing left in it) to be replaced by Renee Palmer.

Like Liam, Renee has the acting ability of a stick of wood. A scene together consists of Liam making various constipated faces and talking urgently while Renee attempts to look interested. It is entirely unclear why Liam trusts her as she doesn't do anything whatsoever to earn that trust.

Zo'or begins getting bitchier and bitchier.

It's revealed that the Jaridians and Taelons used to be one race, the Atavus. The Atavus decided to split themselves in half to get rid of the bad bits, and thus the two races were born.

Lili returns, having become pregnant by a Jaridian, gives birth, and dies again. The baby is not referred to again.

Season Four consists of Zo'or having a bitch attack every episode and threatening to destroy the Earth unless he gets his way. Augur disappears leaving us with Street, a young woman who was genetically engineered and escaped from a government facility. This is not at all like Dark Angel, in which a young woman who was genetically engineered escaped from a government facility. No sir.

The Taelon's start running out of Core Energy. Since they are supposed to be composed of energy, it's not clear how. Most of them go into Stasis Lock. Da'an attempts to merge with a Jaridian, but it all goes horribly wrong.

Eventually they find a regeneration chamber left behind by Ma'al, a Taelon who visited Earth in ancient times. Zo'or attempts to reenergise and is apparently killed. The Taelons compress themselves into six Taelons and attempt to merge with six Jaridians. This also goes horribly wrong, and there's an explosion which apparently kills Liam.

Start season 6.

Renee takes a commando team in a submarine to see if there's anything left of the regeneration chamber and if Liam is still alive. They find that the chamber is now occupied by Atavus. Not like the Atavus from season 2 of course, noooo...

You see now the Atavus were on Earth all along. They lived here millions of years ago and went into stasis chambers for some reason. The Taelons and Jaridians merging re-energised them or something.

One of the Atavus bursts open to reveal a single surviving Taelon, however, named Ra'Jel.

The Atavus and Ra'Jel hole up on the orbiting mothership. Taelon energy is toxic to the Atavus, so they can't kill him or shoot him into space or anything. The mother ship is also badly damaged and no longer has weapon capabilities, so fortunately the Atavus leader Howlyn can't destroy the Earth with it.

Howlyn (which sounds like the name of a radio DJ) has a mate called Juda, who is featured predominantly in the credits, despite not actually appearing much and getting killed off partway through the series.

The Atavus can join with humans, turning the human into a hybrid. Hybrids magically become magically Atavus supporters, and share their ability to have long glowy fingernails.

Season five is therefore:
- Howlyn attempting to convert people into hybrids
- Renee trying to find all the Atavus stasis chambers which are now liberally scattered in underground locations around Earth so she can blow them up
- Renee trying to convince everyone that there are Atavus trying to dominate Earth (no one believes her, despite the previous four years of domination by Taelons).

Renee has affairs with various men just so we won't think she's having a lesbian affair with Street.

Boone is resurrected, then later we're just told that he's dead again. Why?!

Zo'or is also resurrected as a female Atavus and promptly gets killed off again.

The second-to-last episode is a clips episode, to remind us how cool the first seasons were.

In the last episode, Liam returns and says he has been floating about in a universal commonality. He may have just been smoking a lot of drugs. He does, however, know where the Atavus mother ship is buried. Renee gets to have a final duke-out with Sandoval, and then everyone storms the Atavus mothership.

Howlyn also gets there and wakes the crew. He tries to get them to get the mother ship to take off, but when they do it suffers critical damage. The crew rebels and kills Howlyn. Liam and Renee shoot the rest of the Atavus with their fancy Atavus destructor guns.

And the series ends with Renee, Liam, Ra'Jel and Howlyn's son flying off in the Taelon mother ship.


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