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ST:V, Someone To Watch Over Me - abates
Brilliant but slightly odd but very nice

Alden Bates
Date: 2005-07-11 19:09
Subject: ST:V, Someone To Watch Over Me
Security: Public
Tags:star trek: voyager
Someone To Watch Over Me: While Neelix attempts to control an alien ambassador, the HoloDoc attempts to teach Seven how to date.

Paris is teaching people to drive on the holodeck? Weird. He tells Torres about it, while Seven stalks them and Neelix frets about the state of his cooking. Torres ambles over and confronts Seven about her stalking them. Seven says it's research in mating behavior. "How the hell do you know when we're having intimate relations?" "There is no one on deck nine, section twelve who doesn't know when you're having intimate relations." Ha!

Torres reaches the threat stage, and Paris bundles her away.

Janeway later tells Saven off for stalking. She suggests Seven tries romance, then sods off to meet with alien ambassadors in the B plot. Said alien ambassadors are ultra-prudes and require insanely strict rituals and conditions. One of the ambassadors stays on board while the other ambassador beams down with Janeway and Tuvok. Shipboard ambassador asks to try Neelix's cooking, signalling an impending diplomatic incident.

HoloDoc suggests Seven try dating. Then subjects her to a slideshow - Species 8472 has five sexes, apparently - and Seven stops him when he gets to the picture of eggs and sperms. They start on the French bar simulation (first appearance since about season 2, I think!), but Seven isn't impressed. She attempts to chat up one of the holopatrons, while Paris turns up and joins in observing with amusement. Paris is not convinced a holoprogram is adequate training, but HoloDoc makes a bet with him that she'll be able to bring a date to the reception for the alien ambassador.

Neelix is giving the ambassador lots of food. Ambassador may die.

Meanwhile, HoloDoc wants Seven to start an interest in music so she'll have something in common with normal people, and establishes she's good at singing. That cargo bay has insanely good accoustics. They sing "You are my Sunshine" together. Isn't that precious?

Kim finds Seven attempting to narrow down a list of compatible crewmembers, and is mildly disappointed he's not one of them, but helps her reduce the list to one. She asks Random Crewmember #1 to dinner, and he gamely says yes.

HoloDoc boasts to Paris that Seven has a date. Paris points out that RC#1 is notoriously nervous around women and Seven might not be the best date for him. Hmmm, Tuvok would be a better date. They could sit there and make matter-of-fact statements to each other all night.

The date goes... worse than expected. She explodes the boiled lobster at RC#1 and tears a ligament in his arm when they attempt to dance. More lessons are obviously needed. Seven's discouraged, but HoloDoc decides to do the dancing lesson then and there.

Neelix finds the alien ambassador in the B-plotholodeck - drunk, and enjoying himself immensely. Neelix drags him off to the reception, where he gets on well with Paris. Neelix frets that he's doomed when the captain gets back - Chakotay suggests praying.

HoloDoc turns up at the reception with Seven on his arm, impressing Paris. Seven unfortunately finds out that HoloDoc made a wager with Paris, and becomes annoyed. The drunk ambassador makes a pass at her as she storms out, and then makes a scene when she threatens bodily injury. Thus ends date #2, followed by the ambassador passing out.

HoloDoc says the ambassador can't metabolise the alcohol and they need to use nanoprobes to clear his system. HoloDoc also apologises to Seven, but can't bring himself to express his true feelings. Paris twigs that HoloDoc fancies Seven and suggests he just tells her.

Neelix and the previously drunk ambassador meet the party beaming up from the surface and manage to make a convincing show of pretending nothing untoward happened. Sadly.

Later, on the holodeck, Seven gives HoloDoc a gift of an enhanced medical tricorder, and says that she no longer needs the lessons because she has determined that there are no compatible mates on board. HoloDoc makes the :( face and goes and plays piano in the French holoprogram. Awwwwwwwwwww. Teh End.
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