Alden Bates (abates) wrote,
Alden Bates
abates

ST:V, 11:59

This is, I'm told, the worst episode of any Star Trek series ever.

11:59: Janeway starts researching one of her ancestors who (against all odds) looks exactly like her and is mostly irrelevant.

Neelix asks Janeway about the Great Wall of China, purely to show off the research he did. Voyager is on course to some cluster or something. Hmmm, Voyager/Lexx crossover.... Janeway says one of her ancestors built the Millennium Gate, and Neelix wants to know more. [FLASHBACK MODE ON!]

So... Janeway's ancestor is a dead-ringer for her? How conveeeenient. Er, cue title sequence.

Accidental rear-ending! And then her car won't start. So she goes and hides in a book store, where she meets Henry Janeway. Henry has an aversion to computers, but she asks nicely for a job, as she has no money. Henry is also holding out against the people wanting to buy out all the houses.

*is suddenly distracted by LJ icon of wrongness*

Sorry, they were drinking beers and talking about something? Oh, they're interrupted by construction vehicles and the brother from the Drew Carey Show, who is charge of wanting to knock the houses down so he can build the whatever it is. Janeway ancestor and Henry Janeway have dinner.

Meanwhile, back in a place relevant to the actual series, Janeway and Seven look at pictures of the Millennium Bridge. Which appears to be a sort of huge pointy thing. Seven points out that Janeway shares only a fraction of genetic information from the ancestor in question, which makes it even less likely said ancestor would look exactly like current Janeway. Neelix and Paris engage in memory penis-size contests. Later Neelix suggests Seven might like to procreate sometime.

They dig up a family picture which includes the Janeway ancestor. Unfortunately this segues into another flashback.

Some mildly irrelavant stuff happens in the flashback. Janeway's ancestor finds Henry's son, Jason, playing computer games on her lap top. Well, that's what he says he's doing. More likely he's surfing for porn. They talk at length about their own lives.

JA is, however, beginnnig to get interested in the gate. Eh? "Action News!" and they've basically got a camera broadcasting the front of the book store?

Meanwhile, in the future, the crew is chatting about their ancestors. HoloDoc claims his cousin was a prize-winning chess program. Paris says he know all the Mars projects, and Janeway's ancestor wasn't involved. Janeway complains about the fragmented nature of history and records.

And back to the flashback, more stuff is happening. Janeway's ancestory pisses off in the direction of Florida, or Ohio or somewhere, then, er, changes her mind and comes back. "What does this have to do with anything?" asks Henry Janeway, and also me. She talks him into selling, and there's an ensuing celebration. Then the flashback ends and they all die horribly.

Then Janeway is called to the messhall where they celebrate "Ancestor's Eve". Neelix presents Janeway with a framed photo. Did Janeway just say "y'all"?! Then HoloDoc takes a group photo. Teh end.
Tags: star trek: voyager
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