Tom and Kim are trying to work out Tuvok's age. Can't they just look at his personel records? Voyager detects a group of ships ahead... Ah, it's a junk yard, owned by one Abbadon. Oh yeah, I remember this one now.
Chakotay and Neelix set about trading. Paris spots a wee spaceship he fancies. Chakotay says Voyager had a full complement of shuttles plus the delta flyer. With the number of shuttles they keep losing? They must have found an excellent way to replace them. Paris talks Chakotay into getting the wee spaceship.
Paris dubs the spaceship "Alice" and sets about repairs with Kim. Eventually they give up and go to bed, but the spaceship lies there in the dark.... plotting... scheming.... It calls out to Paris, drawing him back to the shuttlebay.
Paris continues the repairs, and cleaning, and starts wearing an odd uniform. Hmm, Kim says they're still playing Captain Proton. I thought Paris said he was deleting that program.
Seven says the star charts they got from Abbadon are out of date, while Neelix says the cultural artifacts are worthless. Seven points out one of them is made from Beryllium, and is worth quite a lot in the right places.
Paris introduces Torres to Alice. I'm glad Star Fleet doesn't mind crew members using spare parts to repair ships. And Paris is only an ensign. Torres is bemused by the female computer voice, then starts getting less bemused by his possessive and distracted attitude towards the ship.
Chakotay tells Paris off for neglecting his duties and tells him to go sleep. Paris goes and breaks the news to Alice that he can't get the space parts. He's now hallucinating Alice as an actual woman. Superb. Dude, go shave.
But no, he goes and nicks the parts he needs. Holy crap, his stubble just sprouted a couple of days growth since the last scene.
Seven catches Paris plotting a course. Torres asks Kim why every time Paris gets a hobby, she gets neglected. Then they find Paris has been nicking bits, and Torres goes to check Alice for them. Alice lures her in and turns off life support, fortunately beardy!Tom turns up in time to rescue her. Torres is convinced it was deliberate and thinks Paris did it. Torres goes to tell the captain, and Paris yells at her. Alice tries to talk Paris into going for a flight, but he heads for sick bay. She promptly makes the veins on his forehead stand out, and he capitulates.
Torres talks to Janeway, but before they can do anything, Alice launches. After shooting at Voyager, Alice and Paris piss off. Paris's stubble has grown by another couple of days. Voyager returns to consult Abbadon, who's only too happy to help when Neelix offers back the beryllium crystal. Abbadon hallucinates his version of Alice and then collapses. HoloDoc fixes him, and he explains that Alice needed a pilot, and he supplised Paris.
Hey, Seven's actually saying please when she orders Janeway to astrometrics. She's recovered Paris' flightplan which terminates at a "particle fountain", which looks vaguely like it might be a white hole or something. Voyager reaches it in time to see Alice heading for the fountain.
Janeway tries to talk Paris down and they fire at Alice, but HoloDoc warns that damaging Alice may also damage Paris. They use a comms signal to transmit Torres as a neurological hologram while Tuvok hacks into their computer. They beam Tom out, and Alice explodes in the particle fountain.
Later, HoloDoc treats Paris, and Torres jokes about breaking his legs (at least hopefully it's a joke). Paris apologises profusely for being a dick, but doesn't explain the mystery of his fast-growing beard. I presume this is compensating for the pitiful growth he had after a month in the brig in Thirty Days. Teh End.