Wha..? A play version of Voyager? They tell how the Flyer crashed on their world, stranding Torres there. The local patron is mildly impressed and give them a present, but the writer of the troupe, Kelis, has to write a next installment. Kelis goes back to the crashed Flyer to where he has the real Torres tied up.
Oh, he's been cutting Torres to "relieve the heat in her veins". She gets him to use a medkit to heal her arm, to which he's impressed. He believes the Voyager crew are eternals. 8 days? Voyager's taking its sweet time. She's slightly startled that he's made a play from the Flyer's log entries - he won't let her go because he needs to write another play.
She convinces him to free her, and then scares him off with a phaser. He comes back the next day with food though. She tells him a bit more about Voyager, but gets irritable when he brings up Paris. She tells him to go get dilithium or she won't tell him any more.
Meanwhile on Voyager, Paris complains they're not doing enough to recover Torres.
Kelis complains to Torres that the people on Voyager are too freaky for his performers to play. Ha! Her attempts to fix the subspace transmitter fails, but she asks Kelis to get some metal for her.
Neelix tells Tuvok off for not having gone to bed for 10 days, while on the planet, a performer has trouble trying to portray Tuvok. Then the local patron declares war on some enemies. Kelis takens Torres the bit of mental she wanted, but it's too impure - he asks her for help in averting the war.
She and Kelis go back to the troupe of performers and work on the new play. Tee hee, fictional Janeway and Chakotay snog. On Voyager, the real Chakotay tells the captain that they've found someone who heard B'Elanna's SOS.
Kelis and Torres work on the script for the final night they have available. Kelis thinks the snogging will totally make the patron want peace, but Torres is skeptical. "You're going to have to do a lot better than Harry Kim kissing the Delaney sisters." Both of them? Kinky! Kelis decides to write the Borg into the play.
One of the players who looks vaguely like Renee Zellweger finds Torres in the crashed Flyer. She obviously fancies Kelis herself, as she's upset at Torres. Then she sods off, and Kim appears - his escape pod crashed on the same planet. He also brought the escape pod's emergency transmitter along with him. Is that one long shot the only one they have of the crashed Flyer? Kim and Torres get the transmitter online and send a distress call. Meanwhile, Kelis puts on his play.
Paris catches Tuvok snoring in the Captain's chair and smirks. They receive Torres' distress and set course...
Kelis sends a note to Torres - he can't figure out the ending to his play, so she transports down to help. She finishes the play off by publically "ascending" via transporter. Teh End.
Wait, did the patron call off the war or not? WTF?! IT WASN'T FINISHED YET!