Isn't rust the silent enemy?
Enterprise appears to be setting up a subspace communications relay. Another spaceship turns up, doesn't answer hails, and just sits there while Archer talks to it. Then it turns arounds and pisses off again. Reed says they didn't get any sensor reading off it.
Theme tune! *holds lighter up and sways back and forth*
The Enterprise crew debate over who the ship was and what they were up to. Archer puts a secret call through to Reed's parents - Reed apparently hasn't been talking to them much. Ahh, Archer wants to know Reed's favourite food to help celebrate his birthday, but his parents don't know what his favourite food is. He sighs and gives the assignment of working out what he likes to Hoshi.
Archer and Trip banter randomly about stuff. Trip appears to be having a long-distance relationship. While they talk about Reed, the alien vessel shows up again. Archer talks to them some more, but they ignore him and scan Enterprise. Then start firing and piss off.
Reed says he got scans finally, but they're an unfamiliar species. Archer grumbles that the ship isn't equipped for some of the threats they're coming up against, and wants to install the ship's phase cannons. He sets course for Earth. Trip and Reed insist on starting the work, though they only have a prototype phase cannon, so they'll need to install it and built two more from scratch.
Hoshi talks to various people about what his favourite food was, and draws a blank. T'Pol suggests asking Reed. She attempts to weasel the info out of him over a meal. Reed thinks she's coming on to him and chases her off.
Meaenwhile, the green alien ship closes in on Enterprise, and the first attack knocks out the main power. Aliens board. *peer* OMG, they're Thor's bunch from Stargate? Oh, maybe not. Archer finds them doing something to some crewmen, and shoots, but the alien just looks at him and pisses off back to his ship. The alien ship damages Enterprise some more and then leaves.
Trip says warp drive is out for a couple of days, so they examine options. They try to contact Vulcan high command, but the relays they set up earlier have been destroyed (wow, who could have guessed?)
Reed and Trip work on getting the phase cannon working. Archer angsts that they launched without all the systems online, but Trip pep talks him, then goes and finishes helping Reed hook the phase cannon up.
The first test goes just a little *too* well - an overload causes ten times as much damage as they expected. Then T'Pol detects something odd in launch bay 2, and they find an alien device on board monitoring everything. Archer sends them a wee message, then phasers the device.
Hoshi hits Phlox up for info on Reed's favourite food, but he's not much help either, until he remembers that Reed's been taking treatment for a food allergy (pinapples), so Hoshi decides they're perfect (wha?). Silliest B-plot ever.
The aliens turn up again and hail, only to send audio clips from Archer at them. Enterprise fires the phase cannons, but don't do much damage. Archer suggests overloading them again. Trip rigs up something to handle the recoil.
They do so, and knock out the other ship's shields, then some torpedoes see them off. Archer is teh happy and says they don't need to go back to Earth now.
Archer, Trip and Reed share a celebratory beer, and then Hoshi turns up and they present him with a birthday cake, which is pineapple, and which he exclaims is his favourite, thus concluding the silly B=plot. Teh end.