In a Mirror, Darkly, Part II: Archer pretends to be Shatner for a while.
Trip gets the thrusters going on the Defiant and they shake free of the clamps, however the Tholians are ready and make with the web again.
*title sequence* That shot of the astronaut on the moon looks so fake. The music is wicked as though.
Trip gets tactical online, and they phaser the Tholians and destroy the base. After picking up the escape pods from the Enterprise, they work on getting the Warp drive going. Oho, Hoshi and Phlox survived.
T'Pol suggests they get the Defiant back to Earth for analysis, but Archer sas if they don't get the ship to the front lines, the empire will lose the war. Archer tells her to STFU because she betrayed him earlier.
Oh god, Archer's found a TOS captains uniform to wear. He's been checking up on the United Federation of Planets. He and Hoshi amuse themselves by looking up records of their counterparts. Archer seems to be pissed off by his do-gooder counterpart.
Oooh, look, a Jeffries tube. A crewman is grabbed by something reptilian. Oh, come on, why is everyone changing into TOS uniforms? They interrogate one of the slave workers, who is blue and admits that the culprit is the slavemaster, a Gorn.
Archer hallucinates his counterpart goading him for no apparent reason. Maybe he's cracking up. They chat to the Gorn over the intercom and don't get anywhere.
Archer, Reed and some MACOs go into the ducting or whatever that place is, and look for the Gorn. Halftime score, Gorn: 3, humans: 0. They continue looking, and eventually it attacks Archer. They use the grav plating to trap it, and then Archer executes it.
Hahaha! Soval's beard of evil! The Defiant rescues another Empire ship, the Avenger, from four attacking rebel ships, and Archer ends up shooting the Admiral in charge of the other ship.
T'Pol asks Soval if he reviewed the historical files from the Defiant, and wants to send the data of the ship to the rebels, and destroy the Defiant.
Archer tells Hoshi he wants to get rid of all the aliens and then they do sex. Later on, Archer tells Starfleet to surrender.
T'Pol and Soval talk Phlox into sabotaging the Defiant. Then T'Pol is arrested again, and has a knife fight with Hoshi. T'Pol wins, but is stunned by a MACO and then interrogated by Archer. Meanwhile, Soval talks Phlox though messing with the Defiant. Trip goes to find out what's happening.
Once the Defiant is disabled, the Avenger attacks. Phlox fights with Trip, who gets the upper hand and restores the power, enabling the Defiant to destroy the other ship. Archer and Hoshi have celebration sex, then she poisons him and he dies, because she really wants to sex Mayweather.
The Defiant shows up at Earth and Hoshi informs them she's the new Empress. Teh end.