Previously on Star Trek, blah blah, etc, blah, title sequence!
Jon Frakes looks so young. Patrick Stewart looks exactly the same. It's uncanny. Picard introduces Riker to Troi, not realising they used to shag. Tee hee hee!
How's Zorn know Troi is a Betazed? She looks human! She gurns a bit and goes on about pain and lonliness, and Zorn isn't forthcoming on what this all means. Zorn says the Ferengi would be interested in the base, and Pizard says they may find him as tasty as their past associates(!!)
Padding scene where Crusher examines Geordi's eye implants. Then Riker goes looking for Data and is given a crash course on the computer interface by an extra who checks out his arse as he leaves. Riker wanders around for a while on the holodeck which appears to be running a nature sim, and finds Data practicing his whistling. Hey, don't be throwing rocks at the wall. You'll damage something!
Wesley falls in the river and starts dripping on the floor. This isn't annoying enough, so he goes and nags mom for a look at the bridge.
Riker's team sneaks around Farpoint station and looks for clues, and Riker gets Troi to demonstrate her gurning again.
Picard goes WTF? when Wesley comes up in the turbolift, and Crusher goes "STFU, bitch, he's not on the bridge, 'k?" Eventually Picard lets him on the bridge anyway, and they're interrupted by a perimeter alert - an unknown vessel has turned up.
Meanwhile, Riker's team realises their communicators aren't working and head for the surface.
The new ship fires on the city on the planet. Why yes, that looks like a city and not at all like a model *cough* Riker and Data go looking for Zorn. Picard doesn't seem very interested in the fact that the city is under heavy attack and people are presumably being killed. What a guy!
That's a good point, actually - the natives here don't seem to have warp capability. This is a violation of the prime directive, surely? Picard orders phasers locked on the other ship, and Q promptly turns up to banter with him, so he orders he ship between the hostile vessel and the planet. Worf reports the controls are down. Typical!
Riker and Data find Zorn, who's teleported away before he can tell them anything. Q banters with Picard some more then sods off. Riker takes a team over to the other ship, and Prime promptly sticks an ad break in another random spot.
They wander around the hostile vessel for a while, not finding a hell of a lot other than tunnels like the ones under Farpoint Station. They eventually find Zorn being tortured.
Q turns up on the Enterprise to hassle Picard some more. The hostile ship transports the away team back, and they explain that the ship is one huge life form. Finally Picard works it out, and the hostile ship turns into a giant jellyfish. They send and energy beam down to Farpoint station, which turns into a jellyfish and the two jellyfish go off to do whatever it is giant space jellyfish do when they're not being oppressed by lower life forms.
Pichard shoos Q off the bridge, and they warp off. Teh end.