The Enterprise has discovered a new M-class planet. "Riker says the planet's life forms are almost identical to us." How conveeeeeeenient. Crusher suggests some shore leave.
Riker: They make love at the drop of a hat.
Yar: Any hat, sir.
Somebody got some! Picard makes the mistake of sending Wesley down in the away team to determine that the planet is suitable for the children. And I thought Voyager had some bland pre-credits teasers.
So the away teams beams down, revealing that this is the planet of the scantly-clad people with 80s hairdos. Who like to hug people somewhat initmately in welcome. Tasha looks like she's enjoying herself quite a lot.
Worf (while being snuggled): Nice planet.
But probably SWIMMING WITH VENEREAL DISEASE!
It's also customary to run everywhere. So where are all the old people? Is this like Logan's Run? Maybe they eat their old people. The group reaches the council chambers where people are being oiled up, Wesley runs off with some young(er) people while the others are lead off to have group sex.
Meanwhile, back on the Enterprise, they've detected some sort of cloaked ship which appears when they hail it. Looks sorta like one of the Borg structures in Armada. Geordi goes to a porthole to take a better look and reports it's as if it's not even there. Something pops out of the ship and zooms around inside the Enterprise til it reaches the bridge and starts shouting wanting to know what they're doing. After a brief conversation, it sticks itself to Data's forehead and Data falls over.
Riker and Worf have a conversation about sex, then realise they've lost contact with the ship. They decide to consolodate their group, and Yar and Worf discover there is no crime, mainly because any and all crime is punished by death. They go looking for Wesley...
Wes is playing ball games with the other youngsters. Despite everything so far, this is not a euphamism. Wesley falls into some planets and some mediators instantly turn up. The rest of the away team turn up in time for DEATH BY LETHAL INJECTION! Why did Worf and Yar bring phasers to a peaceful planet. OK, silly question. Riker still can't contact the Enterprise.
On the ship, the bubble detatches from Data, though he's still "unconscious", and the away team manages to make contact - they ask Picard to beam down because one of the crew members is in a spot of bother.
Picard tells the natives that capital punishment isn't used any more in the Federation, and asks them about the other ship in orbit, and they believe he means God. Picard decides to beam one of them up to identify the ship. Crusher wants a word about Wesley, but Picard tells her "in a minute". The native makes a positive identification: the other ship is God and has appeared to them before. The God ship starts looking pissed and tells them to return the native to the planet. As it comes closer, Picard has her beamed back down, and the God-ship moves off.
Picard and Crusher head of sick bay where Data is up and about. Data says the other ship has a bunch of life forms on it who believe this star cluster is their's. They discuss about whether breaking the Prime Directive is an option, at which point Crusher gets upset and storms out.
Picard chats with Data some more in what looks like Ten Forward but is otherwise deserted. He and Crusher beam down to the planet to chat with the natives. They attempt to take Wesley and beam up, but the transporter is prevented from working. Picard makes a short speech about absolute laws, and suddenly they get beaemd up. WTF? Most easily swayed aliens EVER!
Picard asks the God ship if it wants them to remove the human colonists from another nearby planet, but it merely disappears. I suspect they were just so hacked off with the whole affair they decided to sod off. Teh end.