We're now into writer's strike territory, and this is a script originally intended for Phase II, the Star Trek revival that never was...
The Enterprise is hanging out with another starship which looks vaguely old skool. I think it's the Excelcior class. Riker now has a beard, Geordi is head of Engineering and we have Dr Pulaski instead of Crusher. And Wesley's driving. Oh crap.
A wee light enters the ship and flies around until finally flying into Troi's bed. Picard doesn't even know what the new doctor's name is. Tsk. He hunts Pulaski down to Ten Forward, and Wesley tags along to be annoying, apparently. They stand int he turbolift for a while, with Wesley staring creepily at Picard. Eventually Picard manages to ditch him and arrives at Ten Forward where we get to see Whoopi Goldberg for about five seconds, and then find Troi talking to Pulaski.
Picard calls a meeting to announce Troi is preggers. Riker looks shocked, presumably because he didn't sexor her recently. Pulaski explains the foetus is growing at an abnormal rate and Troi will give birth in about 10 hours or so. Riker demands to know who the father is, and she explains about the floating light thing. Worf is in favour of an abortion, but Troi's determined to have the baby. (Wild stab here, but I guess the pro-choicers won the whole abortion issue in the future?)
The Enterprise reaches some planet or other to pick up some samples or other. The fellow in charge insists on inspecting the containment unit Geordi's team constructed. This takes long enough for Troi to reach the sprog-spurting stage, so Data hangs around in sick bay to help out, and Worf turns up with some security officers in case the baby has a gun. Also Riker turns up. At this rate, most of the ship will be watching! Give the poor woman some privacy! The baby pops out and Worf frisks it for guns and bladed weapons.
Later on, Pulaski reports to the bridge and says Troi's body appears to have reverted to it's pre-pregnancy state(!) so Picard decides to go greet the new arrival. Baby Ian now looks 4 years old and is talking already. During the next ad break, he reaches 8.
Pulaski inexclicably pronounces Data's name the British way, and he appears to be mildly offended. Trust me, dude, I know the feeling. Pulaski reports if the medical cargo gets loose, it'll kill everyone on the ship. Meanwhile, Ian plays with puppies. They have puppies on board the Enterprise? Why?! Oh, it appears to be the nursery.
Over in the B plot, O'Brien is helping beam the medical samples on board the ship.
Ian burns himself and learns about crying. Picard attempt to get him to reveal why he's on the ship, but he doesn't feel ready. Picard pouts and goes back to check on the B-plot, which is apparently at the point where they can get under way.
In Ten Forward, Guinen chats to Wesley about the fact he'll be leaving soon and whether it's what he wants. What is this? A C-plot?
In the B-plot, Geordi reports there's a malfunction in the containment. "Plasma plague"? Is that like blood plasma or physics plasma?
Wesley talks to Guinen some more, asking about her life, but doesn't get any answers before Picard calls him to the bridge.
The plasma plague is apparently reproducing in one of the containers. They determine somethings emitting an exotic form of radiation which is causing the growth, so they hunt for the source.
Ian tells Troi that the crew's attitude to him is worrying and he needs to "leave", which Troi realises means he's going to die, and calls in a medical emergency. Data shows up with the medical team, and discovers Ian is the source of the exotic radiation which is causing the plasma plague to grow. Pulaski tries unsuccessfully to revive Ian, who turns back into a floating light and zips off the ship. Geordi reports the medical samples are no longer being dangerous. Troi reports the Ian creature was simply curious about the humans so decided to spend some time being one.
The Enterprise reaches a starbase and hands off the cargo. Wesley tells Picard that he wants to remain on the Enterprise (cue audience groan) and there follows a frankly creepy discussion on the bridge during which Worf volunteers to tuck Wesley in at night(!) before Picard says he'll let Wesley stay on board. Teh end.
Hmm, I guess it was entertaining, but both the A-plot and B-plot were pretty pointless, and the C-plot appears to have been written by a chimp. Not a hugely great start to season 2...