Sisko's been asked to mediate a land dispute between two Bajoran factions. Ohh, this is going to be a loooong episode. Also Bashir and O'Brien are going down to the planet for some medical emergency. Bashir thinks this will give them the opportunity to get to know each other. Nudge nudge, wink wink. Sisko is bemused to find that the leader of one of the factions is a teenage girl.
In the runabout, Bashir tries to engage O'Brien in conversation. He's an engineer - smalltalk isn't his forte. They reach the Bajoran settlement, where an old man lays dying. The Bajorans claim if he dies the village is doomed.
Quark attempts to serve drinks at the border dispute and gets one thrown in his face. He's lucky it was only one. Meanwhile Jake and Nog are relieving the boredom by dropping things on people off the promenade. Odo tells them off. Then Nog spots the teenage girl Bajoran and is intantly infatuated. Unfortunately for Nog he's a Ferengi and therefore has all the sexiness of the Elephant Man.
The elderly dying man behaves oddly. Bashir says he's doomed. One of the villagers says that a monster will come out of the woods, and only the old man can stop it. Bajorans are weird.
Jake and Nog struggle over who's going to ring the doorbell so Nog can introduce himself to the Bajoran girl. This ends with her agreeing to go stargazing with them.
In the Bajoran village, there's some wind and the old man goes to confront the monster. Which turns out to be an amorphous flying blob which doesn't register on the tricorders. The old man whips up the villagers, who do some sort of care bear stare at the blob. Unfortunately then the old man collapses, and the blob starts firing at them. Seriously. What?
The old man says O'Brien is his successor, and feeds him lines to announce to the villagers. The villagers recommence their care bear stare, and the blob disappears. While O'Brien is still making his "WTF?" face, the old man karks it, and the villagers pronounce O'Brien his successor. Those Bajorans are crazy.
Sisko bitches out the teenage girl for not being cooperative in the negotiations. Later, Jake and Nog find her sulking on the promenade. Nog applies Ferengi psychology. She just said "My parents are dead" (This is hugely amusing to me for some reason).
Bashir makes fun of O'Brien for being the new Chosen One and, despite his irritation, the Bajorans offer him gifts and virgins. Although he turns down the virgins, they still manage to blackmail him into sticking around to face down the monster that evening. He decides the only way to get out of this is to find out what the monster actually is and eliminate it.
Nog decides to steal Odo's bucket. Ferengi, not weird, just annoying. Nog retrieves the bucket, but trips, spilling its contents on Jake. Fortunately the contents turn out to be oatmeal he just replicated. I retract my earlier statement - Ferengi go beyond annoying. Although everyone laughs merrily, Odo turns up and arrests them all.
O'Brien's investigations are interrupted by a villager asking him to bless her baby. Then the old man's apprentice tries to stab him, because he wanted to be the Chosen One. O'Brien and Bashir pump him for information, and he reveals that the monster is created from the villager's own fears, and the Chosen One must help them control their thoughts. O'Brien is happy to hand over the mantle, but the other villagers aren't keen on letting Old Man Jr to give it a go.
Teenage Bajoran speaks up on Jake and Nog's behalf and admits she hangs around with them to learn more about Sisko, and also says she may have a solution to the border dispute.
The monster turns up again, and O'Brien totally fails in his role as the Chosen One, allowing Old Man Jr to take over and get the villagers to do the care bear stare. O'Brien and Bashir leg it while the getting's good.
Meanwhile, the border negotiations are drawing to a close, and the teenage girl gives Nog a kiss, making him ecstatically happy. The end.
Man, Bajor is a surreal place. Floaty amorphous blobs composed of the fears of man? What drugs inspired this?