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TNG: Ménage à Troi - abates
Brilliant but slightly odd but very nice

Alden Bates
Date: 2007-09-30 11:22
Subject: TNG: Ménage à Troi
Security: Public
Tags:next generation
Ménage à Troi: Ferengi kidnap Riker, Troi and Troi's mum.

Ferengi and Troi's mother. Oh goody.

Riker beats a Ferengi at 3D chess. Data suggests that Betazoids can't read Ferengi minds because of their brain structure. Or possibly because their skulls are so thick. Troi's mum hassles Troi about getting married. Hey, look, there's NeelixEthan Phillips playing a Ferengi. Picard has a narrow escape when Lwaxana tries to talk to him (he says he has to show the Betazoid ambassador the new door hinges on the rear turbo lifts. Yeah, that shouldn't make her suspicious), and instead she ends up talking to a Ferengi who tries to buy her. This causes a diplomatic incident. The lead Ferengi, DaiMon Tog, still fancies her and tells his subordinate, NeelixDr Farek so.

Troi asks Worf if they're at war with the Ferengi yet. Sadly the answer is no. There's no profit in war anyway. Well, no profit in being in a war; plenty of profit if you're selling weapons to both sides. Troi apologises to Lwaxana about blowing up at her a the reception, which leads into another argument over whether Troi should get married. Troi becomes even more furious when mum calls her "little one".

You'd think Ferengi + Lwaxana = comedy, but no, this is just really dull so far.

Meanwhile, Picard says Wesley has gained entry into Starfleet academy, and will soon be leaving them. Across America, millions of Star Trek fans punch the air. Also, Riker and Troi are having shore leave in a garden on Betazed, and run into Lwaxana and her manservant having a picnic. Riker asks if Lwaxana's had any luck finding a husband. Their picnic's interrupted by Tog beam in to present Lwaxana with a flower. Tog beams the party (minus the manservant, who's gone to pick berries) up to his ship.

After they wake up on the Ferengi ship, the Ferengi promptly beam Lwaxana and Troi out of their clothing. Maybe Ferengi aren't all bad. The pair improvise clothes from blankets. LWaxana offers to talk to Tog alone, so he returns Troi to the cell and dismisses Farek.

Back on the Enterprise, Wesley's still there. Dammit. Data congratulates him on his achievement. Data points out Wes might not be assigned back to the Enterprise after he graduates.

Hey, Troi's changed back into her dress. Did she do that in front of Riker? Riker gives advice to their Ferengi guard who's playing 3D chess, and challenges him to another game. Lwaxana and Tog have a snog. Riker tricks the guard into letting him out of the cell in order to finish the game. Lwaxana bored Tog by talking, and then accidentally discovers that masturbating his ears relaxes him. Riker and Troi, who have now escaped, ask Lwaxana if she can winkle Tog's access codes out of him.

Meanwhile, Betazed informs the Enterprise that the trio are missing. Oh noes!

Lwaxana is about to get the access code from Tog when Farek bursts in and stops him. Farek wants to experiment on her and find out how her telepathy works.

While checking out the site where the trio went missing, Data finds Tog's flowers, which are helpfully from a Ferengi world.

Riker, meanwhile, figits with the Ferengi ship's engines to try to create a signal. Then Farek starts mind-probing Lwaxana and Riker and Troi set off to help.

The Enterprise scans for Ferengi ships, and Wesley prepares to leave on another ship for Starfleet academy. Suddenly Wesley realises something about the static in one of the signals and rushes back to the bridge. Although Picard is keen to get rid of Wesley, he lets the boy check the transmissions again. They locate Riker's signal, and set off to intercept.

Riker and Troi rescue Lwaxana, who offers to stay with Tog if he releases Riker and Troi. Tog agrees. Then the Enterprise arrives and Riker and Troi are returned to the ship. This leads into an elaborate ploy wheren Troi tells Picard he had to fight for Lwaxana to get her back. Picard recites poetry, then threatens to destroy the Ferengi ship to get her back. Picard would be more convincing if Riker and Troi weren't smirking in the background. Tog panics and returns Lwaxana, who immediately sits in Picard's lap. "Mr Crusher, set course for Betazed. Warp nine."

Wesley says he'll reapply for the academy next year. Millions of Star Trek fans across America openly weep. Picard promotes Wesley from acting ensign to full ensign. This mainly means he gets a proper uniform.

That... yeah... I can sorta see what they were trying to do, but it turned out mostly just dull and the humour was few and far between. Teasing us by having Wesley going to leave and then not was just cruel. Seriously. Shame on you, Star Trek.
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