Alden Bates (abates) wrote,
Alden Bates

DS9: Our Man Bashir

Our Man Bashir: A transporter accident causes the bodies of five of the crew to be stuck on the holosuite in Bashir's James Bond program.

Dagnabbit, somehow I missed the start :P

Er, a runabout's just exploded while the crew was being beamed off - the crew is trapped in the transporter buffer, so Eddington orders the station computer to erase all necessary memory and save the patterns before they degrade.

Meanwhile, Bashir and Garak are playing James Bond in a holosuite, when Kira suddenly appears wearing a slinky nightgown, playing a Russian fem fatale. Bashir reports to Ops and they realise what's happened - the computer's moved their patterns to the holosuite programs, and if Bashir stops the program, it could mean DIRE DOOM for the crewmembers.

So Bashir and Garak continue with the program, which involves a mad scientist who can create earthquakes. The only lead is Doctor Honey Bare (as played by Dax) who's been kidnapped. At this point, O'Brien enters playing a villain with an eyepatch named the Falcon. Right.

After a diversion and a bit of a fistfight, they realise the safety protocols are off and Bashir has to stop Kira shooting O'Brien. Garak points out that with the safetys off, Bashir might have to sacrifice some of his friends to save others.

Outside, Eddington and Odo inspect the workings of the holosuite and determine that the missing crew's physical bodies are stored in the holosuite, while their brain patterns are in the rest of the station's computer.

Bashir and Garak are in Paris, trying to find a Dr Noah. They meet with Worf, playing Duchamp and start gambling, because every good Bond story has gambling in it.

Outside, they've established that the runabout explosion was caused by a Bajoran separatist group. Woooooooooo. Back to the interesting part of the plot!

Bashir wins the baccarat and is promptly rendered unconscious by Worf. He, Garak and Kira wake up at Dr Noah's place - Noah's played by Sisko, of course - which appears to be improbably situated on the south side of Mount Everest. As it turns out, Honey Bare is working with him. His masterplan is to use the lasers to shrink the Earth(?!) causing the oceans to flood the whole world so he can start humanity anew with the greatest minds.


He ties Bashir and Garak up to one of the lasers in a cave, which will be flooded with lava when his plan goes ahead. Garak suggests again that they call for help, but Bashir say that might disrupt the program. Instead, Bashir attempts to seduce Honey Bare.

Garak: "I must say doctor, this is more than I ever wanted to know about your fantasy life."


With a key purloined from Honey, Bashir and Garak make their escape and head for the control room with Bashir assembling an extremely tiny gun. Garak is highly alarmed and says it's really time they gave up. Argument ensues. Garak attempts to call for the door, and Bashir shoots him. Fortunately it's just a flesh wound.

They reach the control room, and Eddington reports to Bashir that they'll be ready to try to rematerialise everyone in two minutes. The stalling begins. BTW, you can tell Sisko is EVIL because his world map doesn't have New Zealand on it. Bashir's stalling ends in the destruction of the world. Excellent.

Eddington manages to beam the missing crewmembers out safely, and Bashir and Garak arrange to have lunch in Hong Kong.

Oh, I see, they must have moved it forward so they could play rugby. And not even a live game - according to their web page, it's a rerun of a match from last night. :P
Tags: deep space 9

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